Thanks God its weekend

My Friday afternoon usually is a hectic. This is the time when task must be completed before weekend, many things have today as a dateline to accomodate the weekend, or suddenly there is problem arised and needed to be solved before weekend, and also, today will be favorite time for ad-hoc requirements from many people. As much as I'd like my Friday afternoon will be the relaxing one, juz me writing my blog or surfing, nevertheless my TGIF is me rushing between PC and workstations, me and the team have to stay back for some testing or data entry and worst, very long meeting and all of us have to crack our brains for some problem solving thing. If we lucky, we get to call it a day at 5pm, or else we wait until the traffic jam is over. So far all my colleagues are committed to the work.

Nway, I am in my downtime at the moment. Early time of the year always be the hardest time for me. Bonus tak dapat lagi. So, byk extra spending eg: for raya have to be made from salary. Sekarang nie pulak, kad kredit tak boleh guna, so sume kena guna tunai. Aku dah call Citibank mintak diornang keluarkan kad kredit baru aku, tp diorang tak call lagi. Kereta pulak bulan nie kena servis, tayar pulak pecah. Dan kebetulan plak bulan nie banyak travel. Bayangkan sekarang nie cash tinggal RM50, dan aku masih tak bayar kad kredit, let alone other bills.

Dan petang tadi rasa penat sangat. Balik ofis jam 7pm, secara jujurnya aku memang jarang stay back. heheheh.. Sbb kedegilan aku, aku silap ambik jalan lagi, so jalan jem sebab arinie jumaat apatah lagi minggu depan cuti. Tak dapat ke gym coz aku dah takde mood sangat-sangat, dan useless since tinggal 2 jam je utk cari parking, tukar baju, workout, minum2 dan mandi. Tp sebenarnya yang paling menyedihkan, weekend dah nak datang. Aku sangat penat, problem sangat banyak, dan aku rasa sunyi sangat. Sunyi sangat-sangat. Rasanya, kalaulah boleh bermanja saat-saat macam nie mesti hilang semua penat lelah. Tapi aku takde tempat nak bermanja. I mean, tempat utk mengada-ngada. I mean, tempat utk meluahkan the deepest feeling of my heart. I have all my love to give, and I have no one to love. Aku ingin dibelai.

Kadang-kadang aku tak percaya aku takde bf? Mana kurangnya diri ini? MAna silapnya keperibadian ini? Mana perginya semua lelaki yang pernah ckp diorang suka aku? Buta dan pekak kah semua lelaki yang berjuta yang aku jumpa sehari-hari? Apa lagi yang tak cukup dlm aku jaga diri nie? Apa jadi pd semua petua yang dah aku amalkan? Bila agaknya doa akan dikabulkan? Macamanakan takdir aku dlm pencarian ini?

Taktaula, itula satu-satunya soalan yang aku tak ada jawapannya. I am going blank with those questions. Now, I don't think about it as much as I used to do. In the most difficult task in my life, so far I can handle it quite okay. Even when Fuad warns me that UM has the most challenging Master program, insyaAllah I will try to do it (well, still only an ambition have not yet acheived).



I am here to tell you we can never meet again
Simple really, isn't it, a word or two and then
A lifetime of not knowing where or how or why or when
You think of me or speak of me or wonder what befell
The someone you once loved so long ago so well

Never wonder what I'll feel as living shuffles by
You don't have to ask me and I need not reply
Every moment of my life from now until I die
I will think or dream of you and fail to understand
How a perfect love can be confounded out of hand

Is it written in the stars
Are we paying for some crime
Is that all that we are good for
Just a stretch of mortal time

Is this God's experiment
In which we have no say
In which we're given paradise
But only for a day

Nothing can be altered, there is nothing to decide
No escape, no change of heart, no anyplace to hide
You are all I'll ever want, but this I am denied
Sometimes in my darkest thoughts, I wish I'd never learned
What it is to be in love and have that love returned

Written in the stars - Leann Rimes & Elton John