Salam 2 Ramadhan
Aaah, I am feeling so suxx today (pardon me, but it is indeed the right word to describe me in my low/negative/unhappy state). Whadda happened! I shud be happy during this Ramadhan, isnt this that I waited long. However, I had quite a bad start. I didn't go to surau for teraawikh because I was in Summit meeting with a fren. Yesterday afternoon, I went out 10 mts earlier but still caught up in one of the worst traffic jam in the history (exaggarate word hehe), and then I had to drop a fren out of my normal path without 'upah'. Okay, about that, not that I mind. But, come to think of it, how convenient if we can get lift from another fren (or car pool), can get to reach home early (compare if taking public transport) and the best is, we dun spend any cent for transportation. Save money, can go shopping. But, it is not right, right! Juz try ourselves at the driver shoes', she has to drive the extra mile (taking a longer path than usual to drop the passenger), she cannot have her private moment in the car (screaming/cursing/singing out loud/SMSing) and she has to bear the extra load to her beloved car (hehehe, furthermore the other path that she has to take is a kampung road).

Hehehe.. tak baik. But i think, it is a win-lose situation. Unless, the passenger for at least give half of her normal transportation cost pun so good enough. Kira relief cost laa kan. Maybe this is the main reason why car pooling campaign never works out in Malaysia.
ZZZzzz! And last nite, I was so damn sleepy during terawikh. I remember that I didn't recite my tahiyat akhir and some other doas properly. I hope tonite and the rest of the terawikh, I will be fine and gay.

On the work notes, hmm.. It is so obvious that lately I dont care less about my work. But still, I come out with quite a number of good job i think. The fact is, I think I get bored so much with the boss these days. Maybe he is jealous with me pursuing master hehehe.. who know. I notice that he gives many jobs to my other colleauges. And also, he likes to handles all things himself. I dunno how I shud do about this. Nevertheless, I juz don't bother. It is major alarm for me to transfer out next year. Arrghh!

Uwwaaa! I have another story about another man in my life. I am trying to keep cool all the time. But, yeah.. I get depressed all the time too. I juz dunno why I dun have a normal love life (ohh, in term of guys' department). I am not good in handling stress and depression. At all times, I have to talk to ppl (victims: Kak Izni especially, berry, Johnny, pakcik, kak ja, nak ijah and list can goes on and on) for a luahan perasaan session. What is so wrong and so alien about me that I can't have a normal love life.

Ok, let see the wrongness in my melancholic luv life:
1. Dolu-dolu, I had many admirers but I didn't like anyone of them.
2. I liked the playboy-typed of guy who had many gfs.
3. When I liked good guy, I was so ego. ok, thats during ice age.

Now:
1. I can get along with men as a fren (colleague, classmate, groupmate someone with bonding), but I can't treatthem more than that.
2. Whenever ppl fix me with a guy, it never work out not even close to being fren (I know for the fact that I am not pretty - whattudu).
3. I had been fixed with countless number of men. So letih of getting to know each other stage already.
4. I fell in love with a totally wrong guy (pakcik) and maybe I had wasted so much time there, but then, he is the only one who really understand me and we become good fren now (so, i got a brother finally, tho not a good brother, but at least I can scream at him).
5. I did something horrible to a man who ever loved me unconditionally (it was juz a cause to bad outcomes if relationship continued).
6. My relationship with men who is not a fren, had never lasted than a year ohh, probably not even 3 months pun.
7. Tapi kalau kawan lelaki, I still good in touch with my guys buddy, and they all said I am a good, pretty girl (how come other men dont think so).
8. Yes, I know I am not a caring girlfren. I don't call, don't initiate SMS, don't this and that that a girl suppose to do I suppose. I tak pandai menggoda u!

There are hundred reasons more. In this blog itself, contains nick for a number of guys. However, now I juz feel that I am happier being alone, than in an uncertain relationship. I can't stand waiting, hoping, etc. Perhap, the real reason is because I am so insecure, don't have self confidence, feeling inferior, feeling inadequate dan kawasan-kawasan yang sewaktu dengannya. Taktau macamana nak overcome. Kena jumpa psychiatrist kot (seriously, I am considering this but dont have budget my clinique budget is already going up the wall). I am suxx.