28 Ramadhan 1423




Sebenarnya, aku rindu sangat kat Pakcik. Yes I do. It feels so empty and lonely without him... Gilos. Aku dah gilos ke? But, I just cant get him out of my mind. Selalu terngiang-ngiang suara dia and selalu terbayang-bayang muka dia. Hmm, tuhla.. we used to talk at least twice a day.. even sekejap-sekejap tapi cukup untuk menyatakan yang we think about each other. Pakcik selalu cerita apa yang dia buat at work and where he is going. So, hmm.. rindu.. rindu nak terima call dari dia lagi..

Arrrghh, teruknya laaa aku nie. NTahla, actually aku terima.. aku tak salahkan dia and aku tak frust, aku tak sedih for not having contact.. I just miss him, miss him lots.. Mungkin lama-kelamaan aku akan immune, and I will not miss him any longer.. Mungkin someday he will only be a casual to me. MAcam ngan Mickey, dia ade ke takde.. aku dah tak kisah. And masa tu we gonna learn about each other better.

Sebenarnya tadi ke Vistana. Beria-ria betul aku, coz nak bagi dia kad raya and majalah Gila-gila yg dia suka tu. Ingatkan just nak dropp off and nanti dia ambik masa check out. Hmm, rupa-rupanya dia dah check out pagi tadi. Frustnya aku hanya tuhan yang tahu. Frust teramat sangat bila suprise aku tak jadi. Aku jadi blur and blank terus. Lately nie, luck is not on our side. Semua yg aku or dia buat tak kena.. Semuanya takde intersection between aku dan pakcik. Takpela, its good to be now then later..

Kak N, hmm.. segan laa bila akak baca jurnal nie. Tapi ntahlaa akak, this is the only way to release all tense and sadness.. and to relief the longing for him. Just hope that it wont affect my other life..

Rin called just now, dia ajak ke Melaka 16 Dec nie.. Jalan-jalan. Am I ready for another relationship.. Aku takut. I mean, I dont know him.. And he seems so serius. And I dont feel the spark for him like I felt for pakcik when he emailed me the first time. Tapi, shouldnt overlook. Sometimes, apa yang kita tak nampak tu yang sebenarnya terbaik untuk kita. And aku kena bagi peluang.. Taknak jadi macam Kori that now I sort of regret doing that to him, to our chance. Tapi ntahla.. Melaka tu is quite far and serius la.. I settle for Pusat Sains. So, ok.. tengok je lah.. Kan best kalau Rin tu pakcik. And rin tu macam pakcik. Uwaaaaa, pakciikkkkkkk..

Esok cuti Hari Raya dah. Hmm, raya kali nie spoilt sikit sebab this thing. Tapi, insya everything as far as raya is concerned, is gonna be fine. Sebenarnya kali nie seronok sket sebab mungkin ramai kawan nak datang.. Ingat nak buat makan-makan nanti. Insya.. Cuma sayang few days nie aku malas skett nak beribadat.. sebab perasaan yang tak menentu, I really miss him. Tuhlaa. so, selalunya aku hilangkan rasa rindu ngan tido. Tapi malam tadi pun mimpi dia, mimpi dia ajak buka pose sama hari nie which is of course not gonna happen. Ema, janganlaa rugikan hidup mu sebba mende nie.. Rugi banyak dah pahala ramadhan.

Dapat email En Zed offering for next semester lecturing. Alhamdulillah, nampaknya aku akan terus mengajar. Love teaching so much. Wanna do some improvement on my teaching.. Err, and nampaknya bolehlaa aku enjoy shopping lagi.. yihaaaa.. Probably a body n skin care plan.. or, hmmm... nak beli apa yek.

Alamak,, boringlaa cuti nie takleh nak online. PC kat Adlan ntah dah siap ke belum.. ingat nak angkut PC dari ofis, tapi dah tak sempatlaa.. Hmm, mesti boring gile.. nak buat camne yek.. Aku pun lupa nak cakap kat bos nak pinjam pc buruk ofis. Now, of course tak sempat dah. Takpela.. till next week. Takdelaa lama pun. And mungkin balik nanti ngan semangat yang baru and some good news.. Who know.. the rahmat of Syawal.. AMinnn...

To Kak N, thanks for always being there for me. Kita nak antar kad raya tapi takde add akak.. Along dah dapat kots. Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri 1423... Maaf zahir BAtin..