23 Ramadhan 1423


Love,
Can't you see I'm alone,
Can't you give this fool a chance?
A little love is all I ask,
A little kindness in the night.
Please don't leave me behind,
No, don't tell me love is blind.
A little love is all I ask,
And that is all.
Love,
I've been searching so long,
I've been searching high and low.
A little love is all I ask,
A little sadness when you go.
Maybe you need a friend?
Only please don't let's pretend.
A little love is all I ask,
And that is all.

Ooh, I wanna spread my wings,
But I just can't fly,
As a string of pearls and pretty girls go sailing by.
Ocean Deep,
I'm so afraid to show my feelings,
I have sailed a millions ceilings in my solitary room.

Ocean deep,
Will I ever find a love?
Maybe she has found another,
And as I cry my self to sleep,
I know this love of mine I'll keep

Ocean Ocean Deep,
I'm so lonely,
Ocean Deep,
On my own in my room,
I'm so lonely.
Ocean Deep




Argghh, suxx nya rasa dengar lagu tu. Ocean Deep by Sir cliff Richard . Hmm, tapi aku memang suka lagu tu dari dulu. Well, do I have to be ego and too afraid to admit that that song tell something about myself? So what!! Whaddahek.

Cuma kebetulan la kot, baru hari nie terfikir nak letak lirik dia. Kalau other time, mungkin it doesnt fit the story, but today.. kena batang hidung.

Tadi dpt email pakcik.. Hmm, Sob sob sob. Well, looking back to those days, yeah.. I missed those days when I could hear his voice everyday, read his emails. But, dont want to look back. Cam kata Kak N, life is to be lived forward or sthing. Sebenarnya aku tak menyesal, coz aku rasa setiap apa yang berlaku antara aku ngan pakcik.. it brought me to another stage of maturity. Dulu, aku tak boleh nak terima sesuatu tu, aku mesti marah-marah and melenting.. Now, aku dah boleh cool and stay calm.

Since the Labuan incident, pakcik memang quite berubah. Dia dah jadi someone yang aku dah takleh nak guess apa yg bersarang kat otak dia tu. He always claim that he is bz, hmm.. Ok BZ, tapi takkanla sampai takleh nak capai phone seminit pun untuk call aku. So, aku pun taktau what exactly yg dia gather and conclude dari email aku tu. And, well.. actually, the truth is.. something happened masa kitorang jumpa kat KL bebaru nie. Hmm, something yang.. camne yek. Aku rasa memang salah aku gak, salah dua-dua.. Dont really blame him coz aku pun contribute sama. Memang most of the time, its true.. dia yang lead the way, but I did none to defense myself. Hmm, hehehe.. takdela, nothing heavy or nothing huge.. its just something that would mark our relationship. Kalau dulu, bolehla cakap takde pape kan.. tapi, now.. ada apa-apa. Takleh nak neglect macamtu jek.
Cuma, now.. aku peratikan dia just said, sorry and thats it. So, tuhla.. Jangan lagi meng'uja' relationship nie.. Just let it be. Tuhla, Ya Allah.. Ema, aku kena ingat lepas nie.. Janganlaa lagi dah try nak bring the relationship futher. And aku sedar aku nie suka ikut perasaan, yup.. aku selalu berlagak rational and aku selalu jadi tempat orang mintak pendapat.. A lecturer lagi where students akan percaya every word I said.. Tapi, the fact is, aku pun tak lebih dari orang lain.. Aku pun turut buat dosa gak. And aku selalu kalah ngan perasaan aku.. Aku yg selalu beria-ria nak jumpa pakcik. Aku yg sanggup ke tempat dia.. hmm, so.. salah sape tu kan.
Pakcik is not all that bad, walaupun sebenarnya dia boleh buat apa saja kat aku, dia still control and limit himself. Walaupun dia boleh memainkan aku, dia still tak ambik kesempatan.. and at times like this, walaupun dia boleh just tinggalkan aku without any word, dia still ambik perhatian and jaga perasaan aku. Aku respect dia for that. Our situation couldve been worst.

Tadi En Amir ingatkan aku, that man could be like u alot and treat u so nice, but hes not sure with his feeling and still waiting for the right one. At least, kalau tak jumpa nanti, masih ada aku..
Hmm, ade logicnya. So, ema.. ingat nie. A reminder that I sure will forget nanti. At least, for the time being.. aku rational. Takdela dok angau sepanjang masa.. Hmmm..